How Many Potatoes Does It Take To Run DOOM?

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Ah, the age-old question: how many potatoes does it take to run DOOM? Turns out it’s a lot. Here’s the description of the video, which might actually be more impressive than the video itself:

Now, this is a story all about how

My life got flipped-turned upside down


And I’d like to take a minute


Just sit right there


I’ll tell you how I ran Doom on some potatoes when nobody else cared


In western America born and raised


On the floor of my garage I spent most of my days


Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool


And boiling some potatoes, bought a big wire spool


When a Raspberry Pi turned out no good


And wouldn’t boot up, I tried hard as I could


I spent one little night and the potatoes smelled weird


I said ‘I better get this thing working or I’ll pull out my hair’


I added more potatoes here day after day


But I lacked the amps to take me all of the way


So I gave it some thought hoping I’d find the ticket.


I kept going and said, ‘I might as well stick with it’.

First pass, yo this is bad


Stinky potatoes have more power, can’t explain that.


Is this what it takes to play this game tonight?


Hmmmmm this might be alright.


But wait I fear I’m missing, something isn’t quite grand


Is this the type of place I just end my cool plans?


I don’t think so


I’ll see where it goes


I hope they’re prepared for Doom on potatoes


Well, the plan panned out and affirmed my doubt


The Raspberry Pi needed amps at a higher amount


I ain’t trying to get invested so deep in this idea


I could buy more potatoes, or try again next year


I sat for a minute and then it became clear


I’d use a graphing calculator and finish this here


If anyone says that’s not Doom that’d be fair


But I thought ‘Nah, forget it’ – ‘Yo, homes get the TI-84 prepared’


I pulled up the game at about 7 or 8


And I yelled to the potatoes ‘Yo homes smell ya later’


I looked at my kingdom


I was finally there


To sit on my throne as the first potato Doom player

So now that somebody has powered DOOM on potatoes, the next step is for somebody to compute DOOM on potatoes. I’ve always said modern CPUs are super fast but they’re just not smelly enough. Also, they taste terrible.

Keep going for the full video of a guy with too much time potatoes on his hands.

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